


The Importance of Hair Brush

by Haileyst



Series: While it hurts [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Friendship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Other, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 08:50:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18465580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haileyst/pseuds/Haileyst
Summary: When you want to be a good friend and help, but do not know how.Please heed the tags. This story is dealing with loss and sadness. Seeing as this is Naruto we are talking about, it is NOT a healthy coping mechanism. If you are struggling with your mental health, please PLEASE find help and know that you are not alone I can't stress that enough.





	The Importance of Hair Brush

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, so first things first - this oneshot is part of a verse that basically only lives in my head at the moment. It is a major Naruto (Shippuden) AU that diverges from canon early in Naruto's life. I am not giving out any spoilers in case I ever want to publish (but if someone is interested to work with me on this verse, let me know!). Timeline was slowed down and most of the events from Shippuden did not take place yet although Naruto came back to village already (almost 2 years ago). Also, although he did not make an appearance in this piece, Shikamaru is mentioned throughout and is in relationship with Naruto. Yes, I managed to squeeze my OTP in this. 
> 
> First posted on Fanfiction.net

(1)

“I would advise you not to whine any further,” he said sternly as he disentangled another small twig from sunshine blond hair. The twig was immediately disposed of, joining its compatriots in the campfire. Neji frowned as it touched the flames and was immediately consumed by them. “You are incredibly lucky I am even doing this.”

Neji, for all his qualities as a shinobi, could not claim he was a people-person. And on that evening – mission! – he was steadily reaching his limit for social interaction as it was. People would say his exposure during his rookie years to Maito Gai (and the following exposure because apparently rookie squads will follow you even after your second promotion) would improve his social skills, but no. If anything, it made him want to avoid people more. (Not that he wasn’t fond of his original team. Not at all. But he did not want to be surrounded by them twenty-four seven as _some_ people relished in doing.) Mission-related interaction, yes, fine, he is the leader, he will deal. This however…

He gave the long strands another vicious yank. Sometimes he could not comprehend how Naruto coped. Naruto’s openness and charm are undeniably qualities Neji long admired about his fellow shinobi. But every ninja has his or her vices. Naruto’s vices would fall under the category of being unable to come to mission prepared for every eventuality. That list without doubt would now include forgetting his hairbrush.

Naruto clenched his teeth as Neji viciously used his own hairbrush to make the mess on Naruto’s head resemble the surprisingly soft locks he had on the start of this mission again. Another twig sailed through the air to the embrace of campfire. Neji, feeling wrathful, did not even pause in his ministrations. Naruto hissed. Their third team mate twitched at the noise they were making. Neji stopped and made sure the medic accompanying them was getting his rest. They would need him in top shape tomorrow.

When they were sure he was sleeping, Neji took a break for a second and appraised his work so far. Naruto’s bangs were fine as they usually did not require much work anyway and Naruto hid them from the damage by using his forehead protector declaring his loyalty to Konoha. It was the rest that required emergency hairbrush session. Neji resigned himself to finding blond hair in his brush for the foreseeable future. But it seemed that the half an hour-long session so far has finally paid off and the last of the twigs and leaves and all the other things he picked up on their trek through Land of Fire were finally gone. Neji used his fingers to make absolutely sure. While Naruto’s hair was soft, it was also thick and Neji still couldn’t believe Naruto forgot his hairbrush when his hair was now longer than Neji’s and started to grow to reach Ino’s hair-length.

Without a word, he proceeded to finish the job he, as their glorious team leader, was unfortunately bestowed with. He almost fondly recalled the short hair Naruto had during their chunin exams. Well, didn’t have to try that much. Neji recalled the exam most fondly when it came to Naruto. The rest, well. There wasn’t much more to recall fondly – for obvious reasons.  But he did want to ask for so long.

When Naruto came from his training trip with Jiraiya the Sannin two years ago, people were most surprised to see the ponytail that replaced the short bedhead hair Naruto maintained throughout their childhood. But no one actually asked what prompted him to do so, especially as it was painfully visible Naruto struggled with how to care for his long hair. Or at least, that’s what Ino complained about the most when they had a dinner together to celebrate Naruto’s return to village. Sakura, to shut Ino up, mostly, she definitely had her own agenda, promised they could both take Naruto shopping the day after. Seeing as the topic never came up again and Naruto’s hair started to look more taken care of, it seemed the shopping trip must have happened.

Neji, overcome by the curiosity, finally asked the younger man what motivated him to grow his hair out so drastically. Naruto mumbled something softly, his tone suggesting it was something acerbic, probably about the silence they should maintain but as their medic did not twitch again, Naruto finally heaved a great sigh. “It’s… well, my mum used to have really long hair.”

Neji, who was now finishing with brushing and was preparing to tie the hair into the ponytail, paused. “Not to offend, but I thought you were an orphan. I did not know you can remember your mother.” Neji didn’t. And while he mourned her in his own way, he had quite different experience during his childhood and his father was an excellent parent. But he could understand the sentiment of trying to emulate her even though it wouldn’t be what he would do (and did) to cope.

Naruto shrugged and then promptly received a sharp hit from Neji using the handle of the hairbrush. He took it as a signal to not move and just plainly stated, “Well, I don’t. Not really. But I found a photograph in records.” Yeah, found… “I made a copy for myself before I left on the trip and… it must sound silly.”

“Not at all,” he was assured as Neji started to tie his hair up. “We all want to keep the memory of our parents alive. I used to do something similar. However, it was not photos I was collecting, but often mundane things my father had in his possession before he died. Some, I use on daily basis around my home or during training. Some, I put away to keep safe. I believe I still have them somewhere.”

“Oh,” a pause, “what’d you collect?” Neji, understanding Naruto’s curiosity, recalled what he managed to “hide” away. “A paper-weight. You are done.” Neji had a last look over Naruto and assured himself he cannot do anything else while they are still on route. Naruto, now finally able to turn around and face him, asked “Why paper-weight?” The Hyuuga clan member grew flustered although he didn’t let it show to the blond Uzumaki. He did not often find himself in a situation that needed to be handled so delicately. Yes, while being shinobi is certainly a job that will inevitably and unfortunately lead to many emotional situations, Neji usually did not consider the source of such circumstances his friend. He knew he had to tread carefully.

“It was something my father used almost daily. He had a habit of leaving a book open and leaving the paper-weight on instead of using a bookmark as to not damage the spine of the book. I believe it was a coping technique that possessed me to do it. If I had it, it meant my father was real before his demise – although I was rationally aware of that fact, as a child… I was not mentally mature enough to fully comprehend it.” He was not so emotionally stunted and shaded by his genius not to admit he was affected by his experience. And considering his family upbringing… The experience would stay with him for a long time, yes, but he made his peace with it and allowed himself to grow. It was part of him. But it was not all so bad. One of his distant relatives, who insisted he should call her “auntie”, always told him she is there to talk to if he needs to. She was reaching her sixties by now, but in her youth used to counsel young people. She definitely counted as “not all so bad” in his childhood memories.

Naruto nodded and they sat in silence for few minutes. “I don’t have anything of my parents,” Naruto said abruptly. “They didn’t leave me with… I mean…” Neji narrowed his eyes as Naruto’s hand subconsciously touched his abdomen. Oh yes, let’s not forget _that_ emotional baggage as well. Not that Naruto would share on that one. And Neji would not _want_ him to unless he is ready but pretending not to know and exchanging painful looks over a cup of alcohol with Shikamaru was starting to be a bit troublesome – to borrow a phrase. (Neji also made a note to remind Naruto to put his vest on again soon.) “But I don’t have anything. No memorabilia, no photos aside from the ones I manage to steal from records and the ones of my father… You can’t really… They won’t let me. Always catch me and update the security. I know what he looked like it’s just…” He huffed. “It’s just not mine. And I suppose I kind of gave up on that and that’s how I ended up with this.” He tugged lightly on his ponytail. “It looks awful when I let it down, not at all like my mum used to look with her hair down, but it looks better in a ponytail, right?” He grinned.

(It was all so fake it almost hurt his eyes. Neji made mental note to bring this up with Naruto’s boyfriend, because these self-esteem issues should be addressed and Neji really does not want to do that tonight. Or on this mission. In general.)

He frowned in concern. “They would not give you your father’s photographs?” Even civilian families and orphans from shinobi corps have the right to have them. Or at least copies of them. Unless there was a danger of leaking out information, but that rarely happened. And after a certain time, it was available again. Naruto’s light smile froze and then widened in obviously even faker grin. “Nah, but it’s fine. It’s not like I knew them to begin with!”

_And that makes it so much worse._

Neji did not say anything in response. But his facial expression must have given something away because Naruto’s cheeks flushed red in shame before he mumbled that Neji should go to sleep and that he will wake him up for his watch. Before the Hyuuga did so, he mused on how bad Naruto had it in his life. He did not like the picture that was painted.

(He would definitely need to speak to Shikamaru sooner rather than later.)

(2)

The second night of their mission the damage was not so bad. Naruto, obviously wanting to avoid another emotionally packed conversation, did not initiate conversations during the day and put his hair into a bun and that kept it relatively safe. When they finally settled for the night, their medic, Ao, was edgy and kept looking around as if he expected an ambush to just jump out of foliage without any warning. Not even Neji’s eyes put him on ease even though their hideout was chosen carefully.

Naruto, being unsettled from the man’s uneasiness, finally snapped at him and asked _what_ _’s his goddamn problem_? Ao frowned at him. He was older than them and if Neji remembered correctly, only three years younger than his uncle Hiashi. And obviously not happy that he was under the command of such young shinobi. Ao was not accustomed to being in the field for extended periods of time since the last war and it showed. Although he seemed to keep up with training, he was slower when travelling and complained all the time about the lack of stops. As if they could, the life of a man depended on them. Both Neji and Naruto would prefer Sakura to come with them, but due to the parameters of the mission and the expertise their client needed, these were the cards they were dealt with.

“We are too close to Iwa. But you two wouldn’t understand,” he snapped at them harshly and Neji promised himself he would report his conduct. Age did not matter and both Neji and Naruto outranked him.  “We are approximately forty miles away from the border of the Land of Earth.” Neji said flatly. “We are nowhere near the hidden village.” And it was the truth. They were currently in Kusa and by tomorrow evening, they would finally arrive to a private hospital in Taki. Granted, they would still be close to Land of Earth, but there was no helping that.

Relaying that to the obnoxious man who was supposed to be a great medic and shinobi (although they have yet to see the proof of _that_ ), Neji narrowed his eyes dangerously. That usually made anyone stop talking. Not Ao. “I still don’t like it,” the man mumbled, “this place must be swarming with Stone ninjas.” With who they were not at war with. Truth to be told they would have little cause to be in Kusa and probably would avoid them altogether anyway.

True, they did not like Konoha. At all. But they were not reckless and would not attack them without making sure it looked like the Leaf ninja started it. And seeing as their client was a rich man favouring both villages and they had a missive from him, Iwa nin would not lay a finger on them even if Yellow Flash himself rose from the dead. They needed the income.

Naruto looked ready to punch Ao. Neji was not going to stop him. When it looked like it would cause damage that would hinder their mission – then he would stand up.

Thankfully, it did not come to that. Ao fell asleep not even fifteen minutes later and Neji vowed to just keep the watch between himself and Naruto. It would save him a great deal of grief. “Are we really that close to Iwa?” Naruto suddenly piped up from across him, still munching on his rations. Neji chose to ignore that and nodded. “Yes, the Land of Earth is ahead if we travelled North, the village is further up northwest. If travelling lightly and swiftly,” jab to the man who was snoring on their side, “it would take approximately another two days to reach it. But we should arrive to Taki tomorrow night if we keep on this route west. We will be miles from borders.”

Naruto nodded absentmindedly. There was another bout of silence only interrupted by the crackling fire. “I have never been to Land of Earth.” Not many young Konoha shinobi were to be honest. The war was over years ago. But some things do not heal and there were casualties on both sides. Last year, only two genin teams from Konoha left for chunin exams in Iwa. Safe to say, they did not like the experience although they were all promoted. Bad blood.

“Did you not travel there with Jiraiya-sama?” Neji thought at least one of the paths of their spy master would lead to Land of Earth. Naruto scoffed. “Not on your life, it would be like signing my…” The blond shinobi trailed off before finishing but Neji got the meaning. “I would think they would go after your teacher first. If I remember correctly, he dealt them some damage in the last war.” Naruto shrugged and did not elaborate further. Neji studied him and how Naruto’s body language stiffened and his blond bangs hid his eyes from observation.

A different picture started to paint in Neji’s mind, this one even worse than the night’s previous. “Do you wish to see the Land of Earth?” Neji filled the uncomfortable silence again. His overworking mind wanted answers. Naruto shrugged and then shook his head, trying to look uninterested. “It’s just… curiosity, I guess. Don’t worry about it, Neji.” It was worrying however, not to see Naruto act like himself for the second night in a row.

“Very well.”

Not very well at all. Neji was _so_ not qualified for this conversation.

“However, if you wish to see the Land of Earth, there is a patrol organised with Suna and you are skilled enough to sign up…” He was interrupted by Naruto standing up in anger. “I am glad I even convinced Granny to let me to go to this mission, she would never – never!” He ran out of words and just stood there, trying to formulate his next sentence without shouting. They were fairly sure no one else was within the next five miles radius but being careful never hurt somebody. “I am just never, ever, going to see the Land of Earth, okay? Leave it at that!” He hissed finally and sat down again.

The picture started to get much clearer. The Hyuuga branch member liked it less than before. “You should talk to somebody if you are not happy with how your professional career is progressing.” Because Neji just couldn’t leave it alone. The noise Naruto made certainly wasn’t loud, but it wasn’t quiet either.

After that their camp descended into complete silence again. But this time, it was in anticipation. “There’s no one to talk to, okay?” Naruto whispered, as if he was _afraid_ to talk about it in normal volume. “Because no matter how many times I plead, or try to please someone or train as hard as I can…” The blond let his hair out of the bun and tried to brush the tangled waves with his fingers in frustration.

Neji wordlessly handed him his hairbrush. Naruto took it with quiet thanks and slowly started to separate the tangled tresses. It seemed the action calmed his frayed nerves. “Sometimes, people see what they want to see,” Neji said softly and Naruto bit his lip. “I think the trouble is that they don’t want to see whatever it is they do. They look and sometimes, no matter how intelligent and rational they are, for a second… they see someone else. And it hurts, because it’s people that should know me. And trust me. Or at least give me a straight answer.” It couldn’t be Naruto’s peers and friends then. From his tone Neji would wager it would be someone that was in higher position and Naruto kept close; respected them and would follow them. There were not that many people in such a position.

“Your father?” The jounin asked and Naruto looked away. “Possibly. God knows. Maybe.” That was a yes. Sometimes, Neji despised being right. “You really should talk to someone.”

“I talk to you now, don’t I?” Neji wisely did not say out loud that he really shouldn’t be the person Naruto says all of this to. Not that he wasn’t honoured to be there for his friend and just listen. But this conversation definitely should happen with someone with the ability to actually make people feel better.

(Thinking about it, that might erase Naruto’s boyfriend from equation. Maybe. Neji was never that close to Shikamaru but he knows the lazy genius just can’t be forced to do some things. Neji sincerely hoped he would make an exception for Naruto. Or he will die. Because Neji doesn’t know how else to cope with this.)

( _Could_ Naruto talk to someone about this? Neji sincerely hoped he wasn’t committing a treason.)

Naruto carefully made up his hair again. After he was done, he played with the hairbrush in his hands, tracing the small dents on the wooden handle. “You know how… I told you yesterday about why I let my hair grow out… right?” Neji did not dare to move but Naruto took the silence as a yes anyway. “I didn’t lie. I definitely wanted longer hair. Maybe not this long, initially… but when it grew out a bit and I didn’t have anything to hold it back…” He did not say more but his expression told millions. Neji never wanted to see that expression on another human being. Especially Naruto.

“Yes, I understand.” Because he did. Sometimes, escaping one’s ghosts can be difficult when they stare at you from the mirror. Especially when other people see them as well and are haunted by the image too. But sometimes, people do not want to escape at all. In the end, the result is the same.

Naruto put the hairbrush in Neji’s hands and avoided his gaze once more.

(∞)

Ao proved himself to be a medic and not just a pain in the backside and the mission was a success. The client’s cousin recovered, his (what was thought to be a life-threatening) tumour safely removed and once they came back (taking the longer route because Ao is a jerk according to Naruto) Neji handed in his report and Ao was suspended for a month for his misconduct on a mission.

Before Neji left the Tower however, he made a show of asking a chunin in one of the offices; how does one file a recommendation for a person to be promoted to a rank of jounin again?

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you, dear reader, managed to read this to the end, please could you let me know how I can improve? Of course you don't have to, if you just read it, that's absolutely fine by me! But English is not my native language and sometimes I just don't use the language as I should and it would help me immensely. Which, just fyi, is also sometimes the case of bilingual and trilingual children that were exposed to English their whole lives. Native speaker's English can differ from the English of L2 (second language) speaker! If you want a reference and a direct quote, let me know. God, I hope I pass this semester at uni! So close!
> 
> Thank you very much for reading and enjoy the holidays!  
> EDIT:  
> PS. Naruto with a ponytail was actually an idea that was inspired by a picture I found on google (https://i.pinimg.com/originals/ff/a4/df/ffa4df3e5ae0730d680474326d84ac71.jpg). Thank you for helping me find the author of that picture guys :)


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